Tuesday, October 16, 2012

the play of recurring lessons

In the path of life, we really don't know what's around the bend...
I've been wondering lately whether life is on some strange loop. That even though an entire lifetime has passed since a year ago, something is eerily the same.

Ok, admittedly, things are definitely different. The setting is distinct from last year's locales. These are different streets, different pieces of scenery. The Pacific Northwest, Los Angeles, New York is a huge contrast from Europe and the Northern English town and country. The temperature is likewise--and unfortunately--different in higher latitudes.

There are new supporting characters, all of them unique and lovely, with very special things to contribute to this production. Last year's cast was also incredible. But the two principals remain the same: the heroine and the hero, their own dramas running alongside each other, weaving in and out, at times helping and other times grinding. Their dialogue is hard work.

Of course, this is a different crossroad, much further along the highway. There are many variations in the external factors--travel, family, close quarters, hectic schedules, etc...But the underlying plot feels very familiar. A journey. Two full of love, but also full of fears--very old fears. Other things play into it: lack of communication, lack of self-confidence, lack of trust, lack of honesty. Lots of lack, heroic flaws that do not become the protagonists. Ultimately, it is a love story of two that is also a tale of self-love.

But now, as I look on to two diverging roads, I think: "Here we go again!" At least my path seems to be made of stuff from last year's lessons. Virtues that I'd thought I'd learned but apparently not well enough, as they have returned with a vengeance to bite me/toughen me up. I think this is the play of recurring lessons, which inevitably and absurdly repeat until we finally deign to learn them.   

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