love, light & transformation, bahay kalipay-style

Bahay Kalipay

Rebirth at the House of Happiness.
I am dancing, the goddess
recreating the universe, spilling
over into this new realm of being.
Unafraid and emboldened by LOVE.
I am spinning a new web with
which to catch my dreams,
my silvery thread woven with
the newly discovered sense of
strength, courage, steadiness,
commitment. Commitment to living.
Living with intention, with light.
The full moon shines, then the
Sun rises. A new day.
A new opportunity to offer and pray.
To give thanks, to give love.
To be love.

Mmmm. What to say... So grateful to Bahay Kalipay, to Pi and Daniw especially for offering us the House of Happiness for this last weekend's retreat. So grateful for the open-hearted participants and the wonderful friends (Elaine, Kai, Audi, Alexandra, Claudia, Aya, Daniw...) who joined us in song, movement and satsang. Also, feel incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to share with and be guided by two real stars/bright lights/teachers that I really respect and love.

It's the retreat that nearly didn't happen--several times. And yet, it was abundantly clear as soon as things got started that the Easter-themed yoga offering, which was first conceived over a year ago during my first trip to Bahay Kalipay, was also always meant to happen. As usual, the Universe conspires against us mere mortals for our own betterment.

With only a one-month lead time before the date, we announced Love, Light & Transformation, a collaboration between myself, my dear friend and visiting philosophy teacher James Boag and inner dance healer Pi Villaraza, which was held this last Easter weekend, April 5 to April 8.

However, almost immediately, everything clicked into place. We dove into the themes of Easter: love, forgiveness, sacrifice and rebirth through a variety of modalities. James shared through rich talks based on practical ways of embodying yoga philosophy while I shared poetry that touched on the themes that we were discussing. We both led asana class with the group. And nightly, James led kirtan, elevating the frequency of the retreat, if not the entire property. Pi facilitated one group inner dance and a partner inner dance the following day, both beautifully feeding into the flow of the retreat. And throughout, Daniw, the embodiment of mother divine herself, gave her love through the deliciously prepared raw food, which nourished us every meal.

There was an abundance of love. There was a lot of light being shone in all sorts of dark corners. And in the end, a lot of lightness because of it. I could feel the shifts and transformations happening within the group. It was lovely to see and amazing to be a part of.

I'd like to write more about the experience, but I find that I am still quite in the process of processing it. Instead, I offer two pieces of writing that I wrote and then shared in the last morning of the retreat. They offer the most sincere insight of how special this weekend has been for me. The first is "Bahay Kalipay" above. The second is the untitled piece below:

What is this feeling? Newness? Space?
I feel the mystery of it. And I am a little afraid.
Afraid of its expansiveness. Of how much
it occupies my being. But beyond fear,
I feel curiosity. I cannot overlook its magic.
How shiny and bright and alluring it is.
And beyond curiosity there is awe. Awe
at its sheer simplicity. How great it is.
How whole and full and incredible it is.
What is this feeling?
It is love. Not your ordinary love.
Not your extraordinary love. Love. LOVE.
All encompassing, beating, the pulsating
vibrancy of the universe located in my heart of hearts...

inner dance, india

Pi facilitating my inner dance last March
at Bahay Kalipay, Puerto Princessa, Philippines.

I can barely call it dancing, my right hand slowly grazing air above my brow line until the constant barrage of thoughts (the usual mental assault we get used to day to day) melt away. When my mind quiets, my hand floats downwards, swirling the dark matter hovering subtly over my heart center. My left arm eventually joins in, both hands conducting invisible energy.

I am conscious and at the same time totally unconscious. With my eyes closed, I am observing the strange willfulness of my own extremities, my arms, hands, legs seem to be working--quite coordinated I might add--all on their own.

And I? Somehow, I understand what they are doing. They are intent on healing my subtle body, they want to hush my mind, they want to unclog my heart, they want to ease the seat of my feminine power, which has, out of stress, somehow gone into hiding.

(Does this sound totally weird to you?! To be honest, all this is strange for me too. Its something I have learned to accept because despite its peculiarity, it really works.)

Today is 11-11-11. I wish I could say it was 11:11pm as well, but I should well be fast asleep before then considering my alarm is on for 3am--led class at the shala tomorrow is at 4:30am. Its an auspicious date, regardless of the time. My roommates (Claudia and Chit) and I have done our little part to observe it by having an Inner Dance session here in our apartment in Gokulam, Mysore.

Inner Dance is hard to explain. Its best experienced. Its main exponent is our friend and inner dance teacher Pi Villaraza who is based in Bahay Kalipay in Puerto Princessa, Palawan, Philippines. Last March, he introduced us to this amazing moving meditation that is all about the movement of energy. Its special to be practicing it tonight in India--which, one might say, is one of the oldest sources of this energy. In yogic terms, it can be identified as kundalini energy.

Claudia, Chit and I were last in Bahay Kalipay again just this June, where Pi worked with each of us individually. Inner Dance is different for everyone, so I can only speak for myself. For me, it is extraordinary process for self-exploration and healing. My experiences have mostly been deeply emotional. Like yoga, to dance is to discover, to dig deeper, to remove things that are in the way--which is why I've been frustrated with it recently because I have been so caught up in my own stories that I couldn't get any results from the last couple of times I tried inner dancing. Things would not move. I was emotionally constipated.

Tonight was a breakthrough, however. I would not give up on myself. At least my hands would not as they worked relentlessly shaking (literally too, I must have looked a sight!) what might seem like an unseen energy force field connecting my head, heart, and root chakras. My entire body rattled until I exhaled deeply, sobbing. I purged negative energy from deep within myself. After this release, just as the last song came on, I lay down embracing my own shoulders, my inner voice saying--rather loudly, I might add: "I love you. I will never abandon you. I love you unconditionally. You are perfect for me. I am your true love."

I have often written about surrendering to love, but this particular one is the hardest to accept. Its so difficult to grasp this inconceivable notion of loving ourselves. And I have to admit--quite ashamedly--that I still don't entirely buy it. Part of me wants to roll my eyes and go, "Seriously, dear inner voice, you are so cheesy!" But then there's a part of me--wiser, more open minded--that's ready to invest my life-savings on it, because I know, in the end, this is the love that will unite all loves, this is the love that will save my life.


For more information on Inner Dance/Pi/Bahay Kalipay, check out: http://www.bahaykalipay.com/