I inhale and exhale. Or, at least, I do my best through this head cold. I will be calm, I remind myself, I will be steady.
I was just on the phone with my father, who along with my step sister, is in the hospital in the Philippines. They have been admitted for Dengue Fever and are now being re-hydrated--the only real recourse for the viral infection transmitted by mosquito bite.
"Pray for me. I'm afraid," my father shared with me.
Again with fear. I know it well. We all do.
So, I sit here now, observing yet another internal battle, waging war in my head and in my heart. All the way here in India, I can't help but feel afraid and helpless and of no use at all to my family. I've asked whether I need to fly home, a strange concept for one who has been desperate to extend her stay here in Mysore. But I've been assured that this action is not warranted. But what to do now? How can I help?
I could continue to be afraid, to make myself frantic, and more sick myself...
Or I could not be afraid--but can it be that simple?
I cannot banish the fear in total, but what I can do is embrace the feeling of love and healing over thoughts that are less positive. As I fill my heart with lightness and hopefulness, the fear I know will subside. And if love can heal the heart, then surely it has the power to heal the body too.